ATTACHED BY AMIR LEVINE & RACHEL S. F. HELLER

Key Concepts of the Book

The Three Attachment Styles: The book identifies three primary ways people perceive and respond to intimacy:

• Secure: Comfortable with intimacy and usually warm and loving.
• Anxious: Often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.
• Avoidant: Equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

• The Anxious-Avoidant Trap: One of the book’s most profound insights—explaining why Anxious and Avoidant types are frequently drawn to each other, creating a cycle of "pursue and retreat" that leaves both parties unfulfilled.
• The Biological Dependency: Challenging the modern "codependency" narrative, Levine argues that humans are "wired" for dependency. Once we choose a partner, we become a single physiological unit, and our well-being is tied to theirs.
• The Dependency Paradox: The idea that the more effectively we can depend on each other (having a "secure base"), the more independent and daring we become in the outside world.
• Deactivating Strategies: The subtle tools Avoidant individuals use to keep people at arm's length, such as focusing on a partner's small flaws, pining for an "ideal" ex, or pulling away after a moment of closeness.
• Protest Behavior: The actions Anxious individuals take when they feel their partner is becoming unavailable, such as excessive calling, "keeping score," or acting out to get attention.
• Effective Communication: A practical guide on how to express your needs clearly and authentically from the start, which serves as a "litmus test" to see if a potential partner can meet your emotional requirements.
• The Path to Security: The book provides actionable steps for Anxious and Avoidant types to move toward "Earned Security" by choosing secure partners and learning to regulate their emotional responses.